Once again thank all of you for the comments. The point of the last posting was to start talking about humiliation. Perhaps the blog has gone on too long.
After six years of being in a 'fem/dom' relationship with John, it is what it is. On a daily basis there is not much to talk about. No, John has never been required to do corner time in front of his sister. However, if ordered to do so there is no doubt in my mind that he would obey.
For those of you who care, John is a loving husband. Among men he is a leader. When confronted by a female his only desire is to follow.
When the blog was first started there were a number of things that I did not want to talk about.
However, over the past year, little by little, I have talked more about my private life than I ever intended on doing.
For the most part the blog has done it intended purpose. A special thank you to Liz for being by mentor. Thank all of you for reading and commenting on Femdom 101.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Training the Champs Revisited
It is hard to imagine but this blog has been going on for over a year. One of my favorite post was 'training the champs'. It was about my uncle and his dogs. I loved to visit him, and watch him train the the dogs for the hunt. No, Girls were not allowed on the hunt, it was a boy thing. That never bothered me because I didn't want to see the ducks get hurt.
What I do remember is that there were certain dogs that had the right blood line. If you found one of those, it would be entered in shows, and when prises. My uncle knew how to pick out the best dogs. When I asked him how to tell which dogs were worth training, he told me that the best dogs were the ones that wanted to please their master. He told me that training was a continuous occurrence. A dog, no matter how talented, had to be constantly worked for its skills to stay sharp.
Over the years of married life I tended not to think very much about my uncle and what he said. It wasn't untill many years later when Liz told me almost the same thing about her husband. I had been working with Tara, learning about men and D/S when Liz invited me to her home for a real world type of orientation. At the time I had doubts about how to live a mistress/slave relationship with my husband in the real world. There was no doubt that this was the only way my husband would ever be happy. This was very probably the only way we could stay married.
If you have read the blog, you know that I never stopped loving John. There was no way I could imagine life without him and his beautiful smile. For those of you that don't know my husband, there is a sweet tenderness about John that very few men have. I still remember the first time John kissed me. He was a little nervous, but determined. He kept talking. Finally, it was time for me to go back in the dorm. John mustered all his courage, and gave me the sweetest most romantic kiss. The kiss was not too quick, not too long, but just the way it should have been for a first date. I remember smiling back at John and briefly touching the side of his face. That night I was hooked. My foot ball player was history.
It was hard for me to imagine John in the crutches of Tara and company. However, the type of relationship John had with Tara was something that he needed. As he grew older I think it was even more important to be with a female who knew how to bring him 'to heel'. He needed to kneel at the feet of a strong women, and take orders from her. It almost killed me to think of him working as a house boy at the studio; but yes, he was one of her favorites. He made beds, cleaned toilets, and moped her floors. He even helped the women dress and undress while taking care of their personal things.
Coming back home I realized that John was going to become my servant, my submissive, even my slave. It was up to me to train him to be the husband that I wanted, and the husband he needed to become. The good part was that he was like one of those dogs that wanted to please their master. At least that is what Tara told me. She didn't say it like that, but she did say that John loves to please. Then the thought occurred to me was I really comparing my husband to one of my uncle's favorite dogs? Then, I wondered would John be easy to train? Would he be willing to accept me as an authority figure. Taking orders from a dominatrix is one thing. Learning to obey a wife of many years is another thing. If it were to work, there would need to be changes in many of the realities of our every day life. It was with all of those thoughts floating around in my head, I realized that there were some aspects of Tara's studio that may need to be incorporated into our home life. It was at that moment the kennel came to mind.
Tara told me that John takes directions easily. He is always polite, never answers back, and he was always a joy to have in her studio. She told me that among her pets he was one of her favorites. I cringed when she used the word pet, but that is what he was. To Tara, John was one of her boy pets that paid money for the privilege of serving her. Tara described how she would put a collar and leash on John and he would crawl at her side. I told Tara that was more information about my husband then I wanted to have. She responded, but you need to under stand him. To her there are a lot worse things in the world than having a husband that is willing to crawl at your side. She went on to say that these little pets are generally sweet men that become totally devoted to the women that is willing to leash them. Well, at least when describing a guy, she didn't use the term house broken; but then the thought occurred that she might as well have been.
At the time of this conversation the image of my uncle and his dogs came to mind. While I didn't want to think of John in this way, the image was there. Tara's own husband was also one of her pets. He had been a client. She told me that she had violated one of her own rules, never fall in love with a client, but she did. Her husband was a bank officer by day, and a slave husband the remainder of the time. It was a Sunday morning, the studio was closed. It was just the three of us. Her husband was changing sheets in their private bed room. When she rang the bell, he immediately responded. Like the paying customers I saw earlier in the week, he did a polite curtsy and bowed his head. Upon giving him the command he dropped to all fours. She then snapped a leash on to his collar. Tara took about ten or fifteen minutes with him. She had her husband go through all of his basic routines. He crawled fast, faster, and then stopped by her side when she stopped. Every pull of the leash meant something. I thought how humiliating for this poor man to be made to do this, especially in front of another women. When Tara saw the shocked look on my face, she said don't worry he loves to be on the leash. It is even more fun for him when he performs in front of another women. She asked if I wanted to take her husband's leash in hand, and see what it felt like to have a man in that position.
Tara explained to me that having her husband crawl at her side was part of his basic training program. The act of crawling and the basic commands were not hard for a man to understand. What was important to Tara was the idea that the boy becomes so accustomed to following orders that it is second nature to him. It was also important that the training be done on a regular basis. You just couldn't train a man, and forget about it. It was necessary to constantly reinforce the idea that you are the mistress and he is the slave. I said, 'but the humiliation'. She said that when a man is trained and accustomed to doing something, there is often very little real, if any, humiliation, associated with it.
Tara then explained that if I trained John he would respond to me ever better than he did to her and her mistresses. From her conversations with John she knew that he loved me. On some level she indicated that he felt very guilty about what he was doing, but felt that his wife would never understand his need for submission. I thought she has that one right.
Tara told me to have courage and it would all work out in the end. She asked me about the first time I rode a two wheel bicycle; was it scary. Yes, 'I responded'. Then she asked me about the second time I rode the bike. Yes, it was a little bit scary, but the fright soon went away. Tara told me it is often the same with disciplining a man. The first time it is scary. The second time it is less scary, and by the third or fourth time it starts to feel natural. Submissive men, she explained, need this type of discipline from women. She also explained that for some strange reason men love the feeling of humiliation. She didn't really understand it, but there was a certain sexual charge men got out of being humiliated.
On my first visit with Liz, I felt a certain pity for her husband. I thought, how can he like being made to drop to the floor anytime his wife snapped her fingers. However, I also realized that there was a certain sexual chemistry to what Liz was doing with her guy. This is an aspect of male behavior I have never understood, and probably never will. The real interesting part is that men seam to get turned on by certain types of humiliation, and turned off by other types. For John wearing a hair ribbon in front of another women is a turn or. However, the feeling is very different if he was forced to wear the same ribbon in front of his sister or another guy.
When considering that the typical male is much smarter than my uncle's dog, you would think the man would be the easier one to train. Not so. The male has an ego. The dog does not.
When you lest expect it, the male ego can and will pop out of no where. The emergence of the ego can result in bad behavior, talking back, and even out right disobedience. With John I have found that humiliation can be a useful tool in controlling the ego. However, the hard part is to determine what experiences are truly humiliating, and which experiences are not.
When my uncle whistled for a dog, it came. It simply waged it tail and ran to my uncle. There was no sense of humiliation. There was never any such thing as a puppy ego to deal with. This is why I believe men are inherently more difficult to train. It is also why the training process must be constant. I believe this is a very controversial post. Many of you will not agree with what I am saying.
Men are certainly more complex creatures than my uncle's dogs. Yet, with the exception of humiliation, many of the same training techniques can effectively be used with both males and dogs. In a fem/dom marriage it is up to the wife to understand her husband as best she can. The wife needs to understand that she is the one responsible for training her husband. In too many marriages it is the husband telling the wife how he wants to be trained. It is amazing to to see just how aggressive some so called submissive men can become. In so many relationships the wife never really establishes true authority over her man. It is more of a pretend thing for times when the husband is in the mood to play.
John and I are not part of any 'scene' as described in magazines. We do not go to play parties. For the most part our lifestyle is between us and a few of my special friends. It is not that we are ashame of the way we live. It is that society as a whole is not yet ready to accept the idea of 'fem/dom' marriages. Also, our marriage arrangement is not about me doing things to John that he likes. When, and if I use humiliation as a training tool, it is not going to be on the teams that he necessarily wants or likes. John understands that not controlling his male ego, his male sense of pride, will result in a punishment that he does not want to have.
Love, Mistress Kathy
What I do remember is that there were certain dogs that had the right blood line. If you found one of those, it would be entered in shows, and when prises. My uncle knew how to pick out the best dogs. When I asked him how to tell which dogs were worth training, he told me that the best dogs were the ones that wanted to please their master. He told me that training was a continuous occurrence. A dog, no matter how talented, had to be constantly worked for its skills to stay sharp.
Over the years of married life I tended not to think very much about my uncle and what he said. It wasn't untill many years later when Liz told me almost the same thing about her husband. I had been working with Tara, learning about men and D/S when Liz invited me to her home for a real world type of orientation. At the time I had doubts about how to live a mistress/slave relationship with my husband in the real world. There was no doubt that this was the only way my husband would ever be happy. This was very probably the only way we could stay married.
If you have read the blog, you know that I never stopped loving John. There was no way I could imagine life without him and his beautiful smile. For those of you that don't know my husband, there is a sweet tenderness about John that very few men have. I still remember the first time John kissed me. He was a little nervous, but determined. He kept talking. Finally, it was time for me to go back in the dorm. John mustered all his courage, and gave me the sweetest most romantic kiss. The kiss was not too quick, not too long, but just the way it should have been for a first date. I remember smiling back at John and briefly touching the side of his face. That night I was hooked. My foot ball player was history.
It was hard for me to imagine John in the crutches of Tara and company. However, the type of relationship John had with Tara was something that he needed. As he grew older I think it was even more important to be with a female who knew how to bring him 'to heel'. He needed to kneel at the feet of a strong women, and take orders from her. It almost killed me to think of him working as a house boy at the studio; but yes, he was one of her favorites. He made beds, cleaned toilets, and moped her floors. He even helped the women dress and undress while taking care of their personal things.
Coming back home I realized that John was going to become my servant, my submissive, even my slave. It was up to me to train him to be the husband that I wanted, and the husband he needed to become. The good part was that he was like one of those dogs that wanted to please their master. At least that is what Tara told me. She didn't say it like that, but she did say that John loves to please. Then the thought occurred to me was I really comparing my husband to one of my uncle's favorite dogs? Then, I wondered would John be easy to train? Would he be willing to accept me as an authority figure. Taking orders from a dominatrix is one thing. Learning to obey a wife of many years is another thing. If it were to work, there would need to be changes in many of the realities of our every day life. It was with all of those thoughts floating around in my head, I realized that there were some aspects of Tara's studio that may need to be incorporated into our home life. It was at that moment the kennel came to mind.
Tara told me that John takes directions easily. He is always polite, never answers back, and he was always a joy to have in her studio. She told me that among her pets he was one of her favorites. I cringed when she used the word pet, but that is what he was. To Tara, John was one of her boy pets that paid money for the privilege of serving her. Tara described how she would put a collar and leash on John and he would crawl at her side. I told Tara that was more information about my husband then I wanted to have. She responded, but you need to under stand him. To her there are a lot worse things in the world than having a husband that is willing to crawl at your side. She went on to say that these little pets are generally sweet men that become totally devoted to the women that is willing to leash them. Well, at least when describing a guy, she didn't use the term house broken; but then the thought occurred that she might as well have been.
At the time of this conversation the image of my uncle and his dogs came to mind. While I didn't want to think of John in this way, the image was there. Tara's own husband was also one of her pets. He had been a client. She told me that she had violated one of her own rules, never fall in love with a client, but she did. Her husband was a bank officer by day, and a slave husband the remainder of the time. It was a Sunday morning, the studio was closed. It was just the three of us. Her husband was changing sheets in their private bed room. When she rang the bell, he immediately responded. Like the paying customers I saw earlier in the week, he did a polite curtsy and bowed his head. Upon giving him the command he dropped to all fours. She then snapped a leash on to his collar. Tara took about ten or fifteen minutes with him. She had her husband go through all of his basic routines. He crawled fast, faster, and then stopped by her side when she stopped. Every pull of the leash meant something. I thought how humiliating for this poor man to be made to do this, especially in front of another women. When Tara saw the shocked look on my face, she said don't worry he loves to be on the leash. It is even more fun for him when he performs in front of another women. She asked if I wanted to take her husband's leash in hand, and see what it felt like to have a man in that position.
Tara explained to me that having her husband crawl at her side was part of his basic training program. The act of crawling and the basic commands were not hard for a man to understand. What was important to Tara was the idea that the boy becomes so accustomed to following orders that it is second nature to him. It was also important that the training be done on a regular basis. You just couldn't train a man, and forget about it. It was necessary to constantly reinforce the idea that you are the mistress and he is the slave. I said, 'but the humiliation'. She said that when a man is trained and accustomed to doing something, there is often very little real, if any, humiliation, associated with it.
Tara then explained that if I trained John he would respond to me ever better than he did to her and her mistresses. From her conversations with John she knew that he loved me. On some level she indicated that he felt very guilty about what he was doing, but felt that his wife would never understand his need for submission. I thought she has that one right.
Tara told me to have courage and it would all work out in the end. She asked me about the first time I rode a two wheel bicycle; was it scary. Yes, 'I responded'. Then she asked me about the second time I rode the bike. Yes, it was a little bit scary, but the fright soon went away. Tara told me it is often the same with disciplining a man. The first time it is scary. The second time it is less scary, and by the third or fourth time it starts to feel natural. Submissive men, she explained, need this type of discipline from women. She also explained that for some strange reason men love the feeling of humiliation. She didn't really understand it, but there was a certain sexual charge men got out of being humiliated.
On my first visit with Liz, I felt a certain pity for her husband. I thought, how can he like being made to drop to the floor anytime his wife snapped her fingers. However, I also realized that there was a certain sexual chemistry to what Liz was doing with her guy. This is an aspect of male behavior I have never understood, and probably never will. The real interesting part is that men seam to get turned on by certain types of humiliation, and turned off by other types. For John wearing a hair ribbon in front of another women is a turn or. However, the feeling is very different if he was forced to wear the same ribbon in front of his sister or another guy.
When considering that the typical male is much smarter than my uncle's dog, you would think the man would be the easier one to train. Not so. The male has an ego. The dog does not.
When you lest expect it, the male ego can and will pop out of no where. The emergence of the ego can result in bad behavior, talking back, and even out right disobedience. With John I have found that humiliation can be a useful tool in controlling the ego. However, the hard part is to determine what experiences are truly humiliating, and which experiences are not.
When my uncle whistled for a dog, it came. It simply waged it tail and ran to my uncle. There was no sense of humiliation. There was never any such thing as a puppy ego to deal with. This is why I believe men are inherently more difficult to train. It is also why the training process must be constant. I believe this is a very controversial post. Many of you will not agree with what I am saying.
Men are certainly more complex creatures than my uncle's dogs. Yet, with the exception of humiliation, many of the same training techniques can effectively be used with both males and dogs. In a fem/dom marriage it is up to the wife to understand her husband as best she can. The wife needs to understand that she is the one responsible for training her husband. In too many marriages it is the husband telling the wife how he wants to be trained. It is amazing to to see just how aggressive some so called submissive men can become. In so many relationships the wife never really establishes true authority over her man. It is more of a pretend thing for times when the husband is in the mood to play.
John and I are not part of any 'scene' as described in magazines. We do not go to play parties. For the most part our lifestyle is between us and a few of my special friends. It is not that we are ashame of the way we live. It is that society as a whole is not yet ready to accept the idea of 'fem/dom' marriages. Also, our marriage arrangement is not about me doing things to John that he likes. When, and if I use humiliation as a training tool, it is not going to be on the teams that he necessarily wants or likes. John understands that not controlling his male ego, his male sense of pride, will result in a punishment that he does not want to have.
Love, Mistress Kathy
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Ramdom Thoughts on a Saturday Morning
In my last posting I talked about wearing a short skirt, but the skirts this year are really short.
Even I don't have that much courage.
I lent John to a friend this morning. She is moving and needed a strong man to help with furniture. Well, my guy may not be exactly what she needs, but he can help. He was excited about the idea of being lent to another women. This is my friend from work who knows about our relationship. I reminded her that John loves to be bossed around by women so to be sure to give him plenty of things to do. She laughed and told me she would try her best. She went through a nasty divorce a while back. She is looking for a submissive guy. A good one is not that easy to find.
It was fun, and interesting being with my daughter. She has her way with her new husband. She gets what she wants with a little sugar and spice rather than just giving him orders. However, she does have him eating our of her hand. When we arrived her husband knew to help John unload the car. He knew that in our family this was considered men's work and that the women take very little part in. Well, we do give directions to the guys on where to put things. She and I just talked while the guys did the work. As head of house she gave the guys directions on where everything went. This was the first time she ever gave directions to her father. She has grown up.
My project for work is coming along, but it will take a while. That is fine. In this economy it is nice to have work. They are giving me a young college graduate to work with as an assistant. He is cute. The young men of today think nothing of working for a women. He calls me 'Miss Kathy'. It is an old southern tradition where younger people call an older women this way. It makes me feel ancient. Yes, I like Mistress Kathy better than Miss Kathy. Anyway, I can't use that label at work.
It was Liz that asked what was it about the blog that made me like to do it. She didn't ask in a negative way. She enjoys reading the blog. The question made me think. The blog brings out a different side of me. My work is with numbers. While I like the work, it tends to be very dry.
From working with me no one would ever guess that I maintain a blog, or that I occasionally put my husband on a leash and take him for a walk.
One of the things I believe in is obedience training. In the studio every time a woman snapped her fingers at a man, he was required to drop to the floor. (No questions asked, no looking around, just simple, pure obedience) Liz modified the studio technique so that her husband would drop; but with his toes, knees, and elbows on the floor with his arms extended out in front of him. It was on my first visit to her house that she had her husband demonstrate his proficiency at performing this exercise.
Many of you will think this is a simple exercise. From a physical point of view it is simple. However, when given the non verbal command, the man is required to drop instantly. There is to be no looking around to see who is watching. Indeed, once on the floor he is required to stay in that humiliating position until mistress gives him the 'up' command.
It practice it requires a man to have total confidence in the women who gives him the order.
If I were a roman princess, it would be the way I would expect my slaves to obey me. Fortunately I am not roman or a princess, but it is the way I expect John to obey me. If you are going to have a 'fem/dom' marriage it should be as completely female directed as possible.
If a man doesn't understand what his wife is telling him, or what it is that she wants, he needs to ask a question. Other than that the only words he needs to utter in most discussions are 'yes mistress'. Training a husband is a wife's responsibility.
When John first came back home I made him respond to the finger snapping command a hundred times a day. Over time it became so drilled in him that it seamed unnatural not to drop when I snapped my fingers. We still do this activity every day. It might only be for a few minutes, or only once or twice, but a day never goes by when I fail to bring John to the floor with a snap of my fingers. John knows to stay on the floor, until I give him the up command. It might be two seconds, a minute, or an hour. Sometimes I just leave him in that position, read a book, or do an errand. While in that position John is not allowed to move or talk unless it is to answer a direct question. This type of activity may seam strange to many of you, but on a daily basis it sets the parameters about who is owned and who is the owner. As much as we love each other it is important that we remember our mutual roles in life. Besides being good training, it is good exercise for an older man.
For any couple who may be entering a 'fem/dom' type marriage I would recommend to the wife that she incorporates this activity into her training program. It is simple, it enforces the idea that she is the boss, the mistress. Above all, the male understands that she has the power to bring him to the floor any place and time. This power tends to keep a man's attention centered on you, his mistress, where ever you might be. It is also a quick way to end an argument that you don't want to have with your guy.
Sometimes I have John stand at attention. I put my hand a few inches from his face, look him in the eye, and then snap my fingers. It is fun to see how quickly he reacts. Some women have asked do you reward him for being so obedient. Yes, he is allowed to kiss my feet. I have learned to love foot worship. A women needs to learn that a man's tongue is good for many things besides an aid for talking. A warm tongue between your toes is a treat every women should learn to enjoy. Is that kinky?
I don't know. Sometimes I wonder what people mean by kinky. If a fairly large percentage of people are doing something it is not kinky?
Love, Mistress Kathy
Even I don't have that much courage.
I lent John to a friend this morning. She is moving and needed a strong man to help with furniture. Well, my guy may not be exactly what she needs, but he can help. He was excited about the idea of being lent to another women. This is my friend from work who knows about our relationship. I reminded her that John loves to be bossed around by women so to be sure to give him plenty of things to do. She laughed and told me she would try her best. She went through a nasty divorce a while back. She is looking for a submissive guy. A good one is not that easy to find.
It was fun, and interesting being with my daughter. She has her way with her new husband. She gets what she wants with a little sugar and spice rather than just giving him orders. However, she does have him eating our of her hand. When we arrived her husband knew to help John unload the car. He knew that in our family this was considered men's work and that the women take very little part in. Well, we do give directions to the guys on where to put things. She and I just talked while the guys did the work. As head of house she gave the guys directions on where everything went. This was the first time she ever gave directions to her father. She has grown up.
My project for work is coming along, but it will take a while. That is fine. In this economy it is nice to have work. They are giving me a young college graduate to work with as an assistant. He is cute. The young men of today think nothing of working for a women. He calls me 'Miss Kathy'. It is an old southern tradition where younger people call an older women this way. It makes me feel ancient. Yes, I like Mistress Kathy better than Miss Kathy. Anyway, I can't use that label at work.
In my opinion it is good for John to have the experience of working for or serving another women. It tends to reinforce the idea that in his world, away from work, women are in charge. His job, as a male is to do as told. That is the way he is the happiest. This is not to say that moving furniture is fun, but he is most content with life when doing something that pleases a female. Of course, I want that female to be me, but I believe a little cross training with other female figures is helpful.
It was fun to watch the two guys take directions from my daughter. She was so smooth and confident that John didn't even realize what was happening. She was telling him what to take out of the car, what he should carry by himself, and where to put things in her house. It was interesting to watch a man of John's age naturally submitting to the authority of twenty some thing year old female. It made me realize for the first time that she is no longer a dependent teenager, she is an adult women living in a women's world.
Earlier this week I received an email from a lady. She asked a question. She asked 'what is it that you want most from you husband more than anything else'. I answered his love. She then came back and asked what is the second thing that you want from your spouse. It took a few minutes, but than I knew what the answer was, his obedience. Yes, what ever else happens, I want John to give me as complete obedience as humanly possible. This is the key to the success of our marriage.
It was Liz that asked what was it about the blog that made me like to do it. She didn't ask in a negative way. She enjoys reading the blog. The question made me think. The blog brings out a different side of me. My work is with numbers. While I like the work, it tends to be very dry.
From working with me no one would ever guess that I maintain a blog, or that I occasionally put my husband on a leash and take him for a walk.
One of the things I believe in is obedience training. In the studio every time a woman snapped her fingers at a man, he was required to drop to the floor. (No questions asked, no looking around, just simple, pure obedience) Liz modified the studio technique so that her husband would drop; but with his toes, knees, and elbows on the floor with his arms extended out in front of him. It was on my first visit to her house that she had her husband demonstrate his proficiency at performing this exercise.
Many of you will think this is a simple exercise. From a physical point of view it is simple. However, when given the non verbal command, the man is required to drop instantly. There is to be no looking around to see who is watching. Indeed, once on the floor he is required to stay in that humiliating position until mistress gives him the 'up' command.
It practice it requires a man to have total confidence in the women who gives him the order.
If I were a roman princess, it would be the way I would expect my slaves to obey me. Fortunately I am not roman or a princess, but it is the way I expect John to obey me. If you are going to have a 'fem/dom' marriage it should be as completely female directed as possible.
If a man doesn't understand what his wife is telling him, or what it is that she wants, he needs to ask a question. Other than that the only words he needs to utter in most discussions are 'yes mistress'. Training a husband is a wife's responsibility.
When John first came back home I made him respond to the finger snapping command a hundred times a day. Over time it became so drilled in him that it seamed unnatural not to drop when I snapped my fingers. We still do this activity every day. It might only be for a few minutes, or only once or twice, but a day never goes by when I fail to bring John to the floor with a snap of my fingers. John knows to stay on the floor, until I give him the up command. It might be two seconds, a minute, or an hour. Sometimes I just leave him in that position, read a book, or do an errand. While in that position John is not allowed to move or talk unless it is to answer a direct question. This type of activity may seam strange to many of you, but on a daily basis it sets the parameters about who is owned and who is the owner. As much as we love each other it is important that we remember our mutual roles in life. Besides being good training, it is good exercise for an older man.
For any couple who may be entering a 'fem/dom' type marriage I would recommend to the wife that she incorporates this activity into her training program. It is simple, it enforces the idea that she is the boss, the mistress. Above all, the male understands that she has the power to bring him to the floor any place and time. This power tends to keep a man's attention centered on you, his mistress, where ever you might be. It is also a quick way to end an argument that you don't want to have with your guy.
Sometimes I have John stand at attention. I put my hand a few inches from his face, look him in the eye, and then snap my fingers. It is fun to see how quickly he reacts. Some women have asked do you reward him for being so obedient. Yes, he is allowed to kiss my feet. I have learned to love foot worship. A women needs to learn that a man's tongue is good for many things besides an aid for talking. A warm tongue between your toes is a treat every women should learn to enjoy. Is that kinky?
I don't know. Sometimes I wonder what people mean by kinky. If a fairly large percentage of people are doing something it is not kinky?
Love, Mistress Kathy
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Reflections-Our Grass is Really Green
John and I just returned from an Eater visit with our daughter in Atlanta. She had big news for us. No, she is not pregnant. She and her new husband just bought a house. It made me think about how long it was before John and I could afford our first house. Of course, he was in the service, and we had the excitement of living in different places. Back then they wouldn't consider a wife's income toward qualifying for a mortgage. How things have changed.
Looking at all of the comments it is like this little blog has taken on a life of its own. That is fine.
When I worked with Tara, I came into contact with some women who were almost brutal with their husbands. There was one women who wanted her husband kenneled over Saturday night while she went out with her boy friend. Another poor man had so many whip marks on his back that it almost made me cry. That may be part of the reason I have never taken a whip to John.
While I do believe in a certain amount of discipline, a man serves a lady because he wants to.
The discipline is there to let him know that you take the 'fem/dom' aspects of your relationship seriously. When a man is tired and doesn't want to clean house, or fill up your car with gas, he needs to understand that it is not a matter of choice. Once he accepts life in a 'fem/dom' relationship, the daily rituals of what to do, or when to do it are then out of his control.
Some women want to punish a husband for acting like a man. This is something that I just don't understand. John and I have been married for a long time, and I still like it when he 'looks' at me. I am a romantic at heart. Working with Tara I learned that it is important for a women of any age to dress like a women. To me that means to dress nice, not like a soccer mom. If you have nice legs, regardless of your age, have the courage to wear a short skirt. Yes, I like it when a man turns his head to look at me.
Just because you are in a 'fem/dom' relationship with your man, it doesn't mean that romance is out the window. John still takes my hand in his, he still is free to kiss me for no particular reason.
Yes, I am a mistress, but I am still a women and John is still a man. Can you guys understand this? Sometimes the comments are so far out there that I wonder how they relate to this blog.
Yes, for the record I do like grocery store flowers. I love the idea that John will sometimes bring me a small bouquet of flowers for no special reason. A funny little card that says 'I love you, thank you for being my mistress" is enough to bring a smile to my face. Some times, reading the blogs, I get the idea that men forget that a 'fem/dom' relationship is about love and romance.
The other thing that bothers me about many of the comments is the treatment of men. Yes, a women may be the head of the house. However, the husband is her second in command. The wife may sit at the head of the table, but her husband sits at her right hand. This is a place of honor and respect. In reading over the blog it is entirely possible that some of my feelings about this may have come out in the wrong way. I really believe that a man should be proud to wear his wife's collar. It is a sign of masculine devotion. The problem is more with society not being willing to accept the idea that one person belongs heart and soul to another.
John and I have two wonderful children. Even with the economic crisis we have enough money to live on, just not enough to retire on. Well, retirement is over rated any way. Visiting with my daughter made me realize that we do have a great deal to be thankful for. We live in a wonderful country where we are free to live our life style without fear of persecution. Thank all of you for reading.
Love, Mistress Kathy
Looking at all of the comments it is like this little blog has taken on a life of its own. That is fine.
When I worked with Tara, I came into contact with some women who were almost brutal with their husbands. There was one women who wanted her husband kenneled over Saturday night while she went out with her boy friend. Another poor man had so many whip marks on his back that it almost made me cry. That may be part of the reason I have never taken a whip to John.
While I do believe in a certain amount of discipline, a man serves a lady because he wants to.
The discipline is there to let him know that you take the 'fem/dom' aspects of your relationship seriously. When a man is tired and doesn't want to clean house, or fill up your car with gas, he needs to understand that it is not a matter of choice. Once he accepts life in a 'fem/dom' relationship, the daily rituals of what to do, or when to do it are then out of his control.
Some women want to punish a husband for acting like a man. This is something that I just don't understand. John and I have been married for a long time, and I still like it when he 'looks' at me. I am a romantic at heart. Working with Tara I learned that it is important for a women of any age to dress like a women. To me that means to dress nice, not like a soccer mom. If you have nice legs, regardless of your age, have the courage to wear a short skirt. Yes, I like it when a man turns his head to look at me.
Just because you are in a 'fem/dom' relationship with your man, it doesn't mean that romance is out the window. John still takes my hand in his, he still is free to kiss me for no particular reason.
Yes, I am a mistress, but I am still a women and John is still a man. Can you guys understand this? Sometimes the comments are so far out there that I wonder how they relate to this blog.
Yes, for the record I do like grocery store flowers. I love the idea that John will sometimes bring me a small bouquet of flowers for no special reason. A funny little card that says 'I love you, thank you for being my mistress" is enough to bring a smile to my face. Some times, reading the blogs, I get the idea that men forget that a 'fem/dom' relationship is about love and romance.
The other thing that bothers me about many of the comments is the treatment of men. Yes, a women may be the head of the house. However, the husband is her second in command. The wife may sit at the head of the table, but her husband sits at her right hand. This is a place of honor and respect. In reading over the blog it is entirely possible that some of my feelings about this may have come out in the wrong way. I really believe that a man should be proud to wear his wife's collar. It is a sign of masculine devotion. The problem is more with society not being willing to accept the idea that one person belongs heart and soul to another.
John and I have two wonderful children. Even with the economic crisis we have enough money to live on, just not enough to retire on. Well, retirement is over rated any way. Visiting with my daughter made me realize that we do have a great deal to be thankful for. We live in a wonderful country where we are free to live our life style without fear of persecution. Thank all of you for reading.
Love, Mistress Kathy
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Grocery Store Flowers Continued
As we go through life we tend to gain things. We make more money, we have nicer homes, and more expensive cars. Although material things are good, I think we often lose other things along the way. When we were in college, John's sister once described me as an incurable romantic. She and I, along with a few friends, could talk for hours about the boys we went out with. We talked about what they were like, their personalities, and ofter about how they kissed.
Somewhere along the way John and I lost track of what was important to each other. Yes, he would kiss me good night, and we would talk over dinner. However, on some very fundamental level we had lost much of the intimacy in our lives. After dinner, we would clean up the dishes. I would watch television, and John would go off to the computer. Back then I never thought too much about what he was doing on the computer. It never occurred to me that he would be looking at pornography or sites with big chested women holding whips in their hands. No, it never occurred to me.
In itself, there is noting wrong with the Internet. However, if you are not careful it can become a magnet for your husband's time. Many of the men who post seam to have much too much time to play on the computer. I often wonder how they can clean house, serve their wives, and still have the time to blog. Well, they have more time then I do, and I have a husband that does most of the housework.
The Internet, like pornography, can lead to a type of emotional isolation in a relationship. It bothers me when men make comments like my wife has no idea this blog exist. In my mind I ask the simple question; if your wife is your mistress, and head of your house, how can you have a blog that she doesn't know about? John is allowed time on the computer, but not too much. There is software that shows me the web sites that he visits. He knows what is acceptable and what is not.
Once a man enters a committed relationship it is up to wife, girlfriend, mistress, or whatever to keep him on some type of a leash. Depending on the man the leash may be a little longer, or it may be relatively short; but a man should be collared and leashed for his own good. This may seam cruel is some ways, but it is not. Allowing a man too much time on Internet is no better then allowing a man to go to a bar unsupervised. It is a place where men get into trouble.
One of the things I love about our present relationship is the intimacy. I am still a romantic. I love it when a man brings me presents for no reason. They don't need to be expensive presents; grocery store flowers will do just fine. It is really the thought that counts. I love the idea of a man bringing me flowers, or a little gift, or writing poetry for no particular reason. I sound like Forrest Gump, but it is true. It so sweet when a man brings you something because he wants to, not because it is a birthday or Christmas, or a special occasion when a gift is expected.
The 'fem/dom' relationship John and I have has has rekindled a great deal of the spirit of romance that we had earlier in our marriage. John focuses his attention more on me, less on the Internet, and worries less about making a living. With all that has happened he realized that I was a very important part of his life. He also learned that relationships need to be cultivated. A wife is not person that can be taken for granted simply because she wears a wedding ring.
However, for John the biggest thrill of all was the excitement of realizing that his wife for many years was willing to become his mistress.
Love, Mistress Kathy
Somewhere along the way John and I lost track of what was important to each other. Yes, he would kiss me good night, and we would talk over dinner. However, on some very fundamental level we had lost much of the intimacy in our lives. After dinner, we would clean up the dishes. I would watch television, and John would go off to the computer. Back then I never thought too much about what he was doing on the computer. It never occurred to me that he would be looking at pornography or sites with big chested women holding whips in their hands. No, it never occurred to me.
In itself, there is noting wrong with the Internet. However, if you are not careful it can become a magnet for your husband's time. Many of the men who post seam to have much too much time to play on the computer. I often wonder how they can clean house, serve their wives, and still have the time to blog. Well, they have more time then I do, and I have a husband that does most of the housework.
The Internet, like pornography, can lead to a type of emotional isolation in a relationship. It bothers me when men make comments like my wife has no idea this blog exist. In my mind I ask the simple question; if your wife is your mistress, and head of your house, how can you have a blog that she doesn't know about? John is allowed time on the computer, but not too much. There is software that shows me the web sites that he visits. He knows what is acceptable and what is not.
Once a man enters a committed relationship it is up to wife, girlfriend, mistress, or whatever to keep him on some type of a leash. Depending on the man the leash may be a little longer, or it may be relatively short; but a man should be collared and leashed for his own good. This may seam cruel is some ways, but it is not. Allowing a man too much time on Internet is no better then allowing a man to go to a bar unsupervised. It is a place where men get into trouble.
One of the things I love about our present relationship is the intimacy. I am still a romantic. I love it when a man brings me presents for no reason. They don't need to be expensive presents; grocery store flowers will do just fine. It is really the thought that counts. I love the idea of a man bringing me flowers, or a little gift, or writing poetry for no particular reason. I sound like Forrest Gump, but it is true. It so sweet when a man brings you something because he wants to, not because it is a birthday or Christmas, or a special occasion when a gift is expected.
The 'fem/dom' relationship John and I have has has rekindled a great deal of the spirit of romance that we had earlier in our marriage. John focuses his attention more on me, less on the Internet, and worries less about making a living. With all that has happened he realized that I was a very important part of his life. He also learned that relationships need to be cultivated. A wife is not person that can be taken for granted simply because she wears a wedding ring.
However, for John the biggest thrill of all was the excitement of realizing that his wife for many years was willing to become his mistress.
Love, Mistress Kathy
Grocery Store Flowers
It is Saturday morning, my favorite time to post. John is playing golf this morning. I could never understand the attraction of the game, but guys seam to like it. Anyway, it is good exercise, and that is something that John definitely needs.
When we first started the experiment in 'fem/dom' living, I took many simple freedoms away from John. Some people have claimed that this was out of a desire to punish him for Tara, and all that business with the money and such. There may be some truth to that, but really it was a control issue. If we were going to truly live this style of life, it was important to me that John had very little personal freedom. I wanted to be in control of every aspect of his life. In my opinion the eighteen holes of a golf course gave him way too much freedom.
Over the years I have gradually allowed John more freedom in certain areas. He is allowed to play golf, he is allowed to make fishing trips with his 'boy' friends, and this has been good for him, as well as our overall relationship. Every man needs recreation, and some time away from his wife. While he does have to ask permission it is easily given. John is playing golf this morning, and will be cleaning house this afternoon.
It may seam strange to many of you, but John has learned to enjoy house work. He likes having the house clean. He takes pride in having it just right in case company comes to visit. He also has learned to think of house cleaning as 'man's work'. Well, for the most part he is correct on that one. Many of you will be surprised to know that I still do some house work. Yes, John tends to resent it when I wash a few dishes or clean something or other. Again, John see this as 'mans work' and sees it as his overall responsibility.
The truth is that John has learned to take personal satisfaction is pleasing mistress, and this is how it should be in a 'fem/dom' marriage. It is not that the husband is always being required to do things as much as he wants to serve the lady in his life. A man that is truly submissive sees housework and service as a gift to his mistress. It is a gift that he enjoys giving as much as she enjoys accepting. It is a gift that goes beyond the sexual charge that goes along with service in the early stages of a 'fem/dom' relationship.
As I have often said on this blog, a 'fem/dom' marriage is a perfectly natural arrangement. The simple fact that the wife is the boss and head of house does not mean that the marriage is kinky. As more and more men come clean, go public, about their need for female dominance, 'fem/dom' marriages may eventually seam quite normal. This includes a man taking the vow of obedience in front of family and friends, and taking the wife's name in marriage.
It is often said that strong women want equally strong men. The answer is that takes a strong man to tell his wife of his need for female dominance. It takes an even stronger man to live the life of an obedient or slave husband.
Love, Mistress Kathy
When we first started the experiment in 'fem/dom' living, I took many simple freedoms away from John. Some people have claimed that this was out of a desire to punish him for Tara, and all that business with the money and such. There may be some truth to that, but really it was a control issue. If we were going to truly live this style of life, it was important to me that John had very little personal freedom. I wanted to be in control of every aspect of his life. In my opinion the eighteen holes of a golf course gave him way too much freedom.
Over the years I have gradually allowed John more freedom in certain areas. He is allowed to play golf, he is allowed to make fishing trips with his 'boy' friends, and this has been good for him, as well as our overall relationship. Every man needs recreation, and some time away from his wife. While he does have to ask permission it is easily given. John is playing golf this morning, and will be cleaning house this afternoon.
It may seam strange to many of you, but John has learned to enjoy house work. He likes having the house clean. He takes pride in having it just right in case company comes to visit. He also has learned to think of house cleaning as 'man's work'. Well, for the most part he is correct on that one. Many of you will be surprised to know that I still do some house work. Yes, John tends to resent it when I wash a few dishes or clean something or other. Again, John see this as 'mans work' and sees it as his overall responsibility.
The truth is that John has learned to take personal satisfaction is pleasing mistress, and this is how it should be in a 'fem/dom' marriage. It is not that the husband is always being required to do things as much as he wants to serve the lady in his life. A man that is truly submissive sees housework and service as a gift to his mistress. It is a gift that he enjoys giving as much as she enjoys accepting. It is a gift that goes beyond the sexual charge that goes along with service in the early stages of a 'fem/dom' relationship.
For the 'fem/dom' aspects of a relationship to be successful over time, it is important that the wife show her husband that she is accepting his gifts of service and obedience. When he does a job, no matter how simple, it is important that she looks at his work. If it is done to her satisfaction she needs to tell him. If it is not correct, she needs to tell him what is wrong with his work. What women need to understand is that accepting a man's gift of service is a way of accepting the man. Men need the security, the satisfaction of knowing that their wife accepts their gift of submission.
In a man's eyes when a wife accepts his gift of submission she becomes his mistress as well as his wife. What women don't understand is that to be truly happy in life these submissive men need a mistress; a women to submit to and take orders from. This is a very hard concept for women to understand. It is incredibly hard for a women to understand that her husband wants to kneel at her feet, and give him self to her. It is difficult for a wife to understand that her husband needs her discipline as much as he needs her love.
As I have often said on this blog, a 'fem/dom' marriage is a perfectly natural arrangement. The simple fact that the wife is the boss and head of house does not mean that the marriage is kinky. As more and more men come clean, go public, about their need for female dominance, 'fem/dom' marriages may eventually seam quite normal. This includes a man taking the vow of obedience in front of family and friends, and taking the wife's name in marriage.
It is often said that strong women want equally strong men. The answer is that takes a strong man to tell his wife of his need for female dominance. It takes an even stronger man to live the life of an obedient or slave husband.
Love, Mistress Kathy
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