My Guilty Pleasure 4

One of the things that I really like about the holiday season is that it gives me some time off from work. Although the financial crisis did effect John and I, we still have a great deal to be thankful for.

For Christmas our son came down from Washington. We also had our daughter and her new husband with us. Although they have been living together for some time, this was the first visit they were allowed to stay in the same bedroom. It seamed a little strange at first.



For Christmas John managed to buy me a beautiful set of diamond ear rings. John is a good provider and a very sweet man. The fact that he is submissive makes him a better, more loving husband. A loving, submissive man is truly a gift from God. No matter what happens they tend to put the needs of their spouse above their own. Don't ask me how John had enough money to buy the ear rings, I don't know and don't care. I love wearing them.


In my opinion a women should never reject a man because he is submissive. For a man, being submissive, is nothing that he needs to be ashamed of. Women tend to associate submissiveness with a kind of weakness. What I have found is that these men have a kind of inner strength that more ordinary men do not have. They also make good husbands. If a women knows how to take charge of her guy, they are very faithful. In the not to distant future, there may be a time when a man will be proud to wear a women's collar in public.



In the last posting I talked about the whip. The truth is that it was never my intention to use a whip on Mike. What I have found is that when a man presents himself to a mistress he often comes with a prepackaged set of 'wants and needs'. He will often try to top from the bottom.

In my first interview with Mike it was important for me to set the guidelines of our relationship.
He needed to firmly understand that I am the mistress, and it was up to him to do as told. A little fear of mistress is always a good thing. As Liz's says, a whip in one hand and a candy in the other.


For several months Mike did make a wonderful servant. He came to the house twice a week to clean and run errands. On each visit I gave him an assignment. He had to do something special for his wife, and report back to me. This was another little technique I used to rationalize having another women's husband working for me.



For those of you who read Elsie Sutton this section of the blog may have sounded like something you have read in the past. A couple years ago I wrote to her for advice. It was a short email explaining Mike, and my feelings of guilt. While I don't remember her answer, it was very supportive. Both my email and her answer appeared in her monthly column. She is a very smart lady.


Mike stayed in my service for several months. Eventually the lady who gave him to me returned to our area. By this time Mike had earned a place in my heart, but the truth is that he really belonged to someone else.


Often times I am criticised for referring to John and other men as slaves. The truth is, however, when a submissive man is properly trained and disciplined that is what they become. For the two days a week this man came to my house he was my property. He did at told, he served me without any monetary payment. He respected me as the women who owned him. As a result of having this man as my slave I have a soft spot for older men.

Everyone who reads the blog wants to know about John's reaction. He was a little upset at first. He didn't like another male coming into the house. He didn't like another male doing things for his mistress that he wanted to do. After a few weeks he got over it. Mike generally came to the house when John was at work. There were only a couple of times he came on Saturday when John was at home. Having two competing men in the house at one time is not a good idea.


Happy New Year, Love Kathy

My Guilty Pleasure-Its Not A Perfect World

The guilty pleasure topic generated more comments than I thought it would. There were also a number of negative comments, and that is fine. Most of the comments were well written, and well thought out. There were a few comments that were over the top.



One of the things I really like about older men is that they will take the time to write an intelligent comment. They express themselves well. For the most part I believe they make better house servants than younger men. They may not work as fast, but when it comes to things like cleaning, they are very though. The older men are also more dependable than younger men.



Many women never become accustomed to giving their husbands orders. A women tends to think of her husband as an equal. It is really hard for most women to think of their husband as some sought of servant that she can boss around. In the situation with Mike there was no way this women would have ever felt comfortable giving her husband orders or bossing him around in any way.



In a perfect world, this older gentlemen, Mike, would have become his wife's servant after retirement. The truth of the matter is that this was not going to happen. This man's wife was too old, too set in her ways to change. One of the last things she wanted in life was to find out that her husband was submissive. To some extent this is how I rationalized accepting a married man as my slave. Also, of course, the fact that I would not accept money from him tended to reduce my feelings of guilt. However, as with John and his dominatrix, we were forming a relationship.



Although our relationship was not sexual, it was intimate. On his first visit, I put Mike through an extensive interview. I asked him about his wife, children, and even his parents. It was important for me to know as much as possible about his need for submission. One of the things I learned was that his first feelings of submission occurred when he was very young. However, as a young man, before the Internet, he didn't have the courage to act. Like a lot of submissive men of that generation, he thought that he was the only submissive male in the world.



On that first visit we talked for several hours. In that interview this man opened up his soul to me in a way that he had never done with another person. He even admitted to having submissive feelings toward his adult daughter and her friends. He told me he was never so happy as when he was serving a dominant women. His favorite fantasy was to have been born in Roman times as the slave of a powerful and forceful women who kept him naked.


By the end of the interview I knew so much about this man. I understood that he could not tell these things to his wife of many years. I asked him if he would like to be my slave. Would he be willing to learn my rules and serve me on my terms. Would he be willing to accept the punishments I gave him. In a low voice that was quaking and very frightened, I heard a 'yes mistress'. I than grabbed him by hair, lifted his face to where he was facing me and showed him a heavy riding whip. In a very a stern voice I told him never to give me cause to use this whip on him. In a moment of panic I could see he almost wanted to get up and leave, but I knew he wouldn't.


I knew that Mike would not get up and leave because his need for true female domination was too strong. His fear of me was real, and I loved the feeling of having this man surrender to me. This man was well on his way to being broken in as a slave. Then, I wondered why is it that so many women resist this type of life. Was I somehow the freak for wanting to dominate this man ? Love, Mistress Kathy

My Guilty Pleasure Reflections and Thoughts

Once again, thank all of you for making comments. That is what makes the blog interesting for me.



I hope everyone who reads this blog had a wonderful Christmas. John and I went to his sister's house. Life experiences have a way of changing a person. Working as a dominatrix and having a submissive husband has a way of changing your values. As said in the previous post, having a humble, submissive man volunteer to serve you is a gift from God. In the situation with Mike, it was a gift I did not want to refuse.





While there was no need for an additional male servant in the house, the truth is that I wanted a man to dominate. Yes, I like a having a man available to drive me to a Saturday lunch with the girls, patiently wait for me, and drive me home. On some level it is fun just to watch a man work. It can be anything from ironing to cleaning the bathrooms. Just the idea that a man is willing to give up a little of his freedom for the privilege of serving is a 'turn on'. Also, as mcuh as I hate to admit it, I was also looking forward to breaking this man in.




For the most part my girlfriends that have 'trained' submissive husbands are happy with their marriages. Their husbands are obedient, and tend to understand their place in the house and in the marriage. The important word is 'trained'. A submissive man that is not properly trained is like a puppy that does what he wants. As men become older I believe they are more willing to accept training from a women.




The comments from the older gentlemen were great. The older a man becomes the more comfortable he seams to be with the idea that he is submissive. These men have the maturity to understand themselves, and their need to submit to feminine authority. I suspect any of these older gentleman, if given the opportunity, would not have any trouble submitting to female authority in their lives. I suspect they would all make wonderful servants, house boys, etc. The man that was offered to me, Mike, was this type of older gentlemen. From the start I new he would be a pleasure to have as a servant.





The truth is I have learned to like giving men orders. Why, I don't know, I did not grow up that way. In my heart I knew it was wrong to accept his gift of servitude, but i did it anyway.

My Guilty Pleasure 2

As the name of this posting implies, I felt somewhat guilty about allowing 'slave boy mike' to serve me. On one level it seamed that he should be serving his wife. On yet another level, I knew that his wife would not understand. On yet another level I felt sorry for this gentlemen just like anyone would for a lost puppy. Still, on yet another level, the thought occurred that it would be fun having an extra servant in and about the house. It was kinda like a guilty pleasure.




On this gentleman's first visit to my house, I had him kneel in front of me as we talked. This gave me an advantage. I was in a comfortable chair. He was straight up on his knees on a hard floor. In the studio this was a way of testing the men. After a few minutes even a young man will start to squirm. It is fun to watch men as they struggle to stay in the position mistress orders them to assume. They struggle to balance the discomfort of being on their knees against offending mistress by not doing as told. Sooner or later they all give in. Some ask mistress if it is "ok' to change position, and some sit back hoping that mistress wont notice the slight change in posture. This may seam like a small thing, but it helps a women better understand a man's personalty.





While there are no set guideline, I like a man who stays in position as long as possible. To me it is a sign of character. A man does not need to understand why mistress wants him in that very uncomfortable position, he needs only understand that is what she requires. In my opinion a man with true character will strive as long as he can to stay in position. Yes, I like to watch a man squirm while pretending not to notice his discomfort. It is one of those little female tricks that helps a women see into a man's sole.





No matter how physically strong a man may be, it doesn't take long for his knees and back to start to hurt. There is a very finite limit of time before the pain breaks his resolve. If you are a dominant women, trying to train a man, this is a good technique to employ. The man quickly understands that the women is in a superior position. By virtue of her superior position she can break him down. For many women this is the first step in training a submissive man to become a useful and dependable servant.





In the case of my new boy, I was very pleased that he finally summoned up the courage to ask if he could sit back. To me that was a sign of both honesty and courage. I absolutely hate it when a man sits back hoping mistress wont notice his infraction of her rules. That is a signal that a man can't be trusted. If he sits back without really trying to do as told, it is a sign he is both lazy and untrustworthy. It there were a college course called femdom 101, this topic would be on the final examination.

From the very first day I knew that I wanted this man as a servant. However, because he was married, I also felt a profound sense of guilt. It also enforced my feeling that a man should be given as little freedom as possible. Here was a man in his mid sixties. You would think it would be safe to give him freedom to play golf, yet he managed to find a mistress. Imagine the hurt if his wife ever found out what he was really doing when she thought he was on the golf course. Trusting a man is fine, but there is no substitute for a short leash.

Mistress Kathy

Quick Comment

After some thought I decided to delete the comments from Zoe xx. They take the blog in a direction that I don't want it to go.

This blog is about relationships between husbands and wives. Aspect of family life are important, but at this time I want the blog to focus on couples in committed relationships.



Love, Mistress Kathy

My Guilty Pleasure

There is some debate as to weather men become more or less submissive as they age. While I don't have any where near a complete answer to this question, my experience suggest that men retain their submissive tendencies even as their sex drive diminishes.



Those of you who have followed the blog know that John and I live in the area of the country that was effected by hurricane Katrina. While we did not louse our house or jobs, there were a large number of people who did.




A few months after Katrina I received a phone call from a young lady who got my name from a friend of Liz. After briefly introducing her self, she came out and asked if I was interested in having a male slave. At first, I said 'excuse me, what'?.




This lady went on to explain that she had a man that came to her house several times per week to clean and run errands. She refereed to him as her slave. She explained that this was an older, retired man in his sixties. He was very submissive, and took pleasure from serving a dominant lady. She made it very clear that it was not a sexual relationship of any type, he just enjoyed serving and taking orders from a women. The problem was that this lady's job had been moved to another city, and she could no longer keep him. It sounded like she was trying to find a home for a cute puppy.

My first response was to laugh it off, and tell her that I already had a husband that did a good job of cleaning and doing errands for me. She laughed and said something like it never hurts to have an extra man around the house. She told me that this gentlemen was extremely polite and submissive. When he came to her house, he spent most of the time working at what ever job she had for him. He never got in the way of anything. He even knew not to speak unless spoken to which we both agreed was a good trait for a serving man.

After talking with this lady for some time I agreed to give this gentlemen a try. It was not that I really needed an extra servant in our house, but on some fundamental level I missed the dominatrix experience. For those of you who have followed the blog, you know that I enjoyed working at the studio. Its an acquired taste. I learned to like bossing men around, having them kneel at my feet, and most of all the intimate conversations with submissive men. The only part of the experience that I didn't care for was having to take money from men.

After I agreed to interview this gentlemen, the lady told me the other part of the problem. This man was married. His wife of many years had no idea her husband was the least bit submissive. After retiring this gentlemen started playing golf several times per week. This worked out well for both him and his wife. After retirement, she viewed golf as a good way to get him out of the house. She, of course, had no idea that her husband was spending much of his time serving a mistress. The idea that this man was married bothered me from the start. In some ways I am an old fashioned girl, if a man is going to serve a women, my belief is that the women should be his wife.

From what I can gather this gentlemen was absolutely heart broken when he learned that he was going to louse his mistress. At sixty plus years old this was the first time in his life that he had a true submissive experience. Up until that time the only thing he had done was read the magazines and scan the Internet. The way that this lady explained it, I felt sorry for him.







At the agreed time, not a minute early or late, this gentlemen rang my door bell. He brought a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. Upon entering my living room he immediately drooped to his knees, and bowed his head in a very sweet manner. I thought some lady had trained him well. He knew how to make a good impression. I just let him kneel there for a few minutes while looking him over. Then I said, "tell me your name, boy". When he politely answered, 'Slave boy Mike', I knew that I had a keeper. I then accepted his gifts, and allowed him to kiss my shoes. I then tested him by giving him the command 'heel' as I walked toward a chair. He knew enough to know that the command meant for him to crawl along with me as I walked. As I set down in my chair he knew to kneel in front of me with his head bowed. For that he earned a 'good boy'.

It may seam strange to many of you, but I was very impressed that this man knew how to act in front of a mistress. In the studio some men would just walk in, and greet you with a hello. This man was very humble. He knew to bring gifts, he knew when to kneel, and knew to speak only when asked a question. These are basic traits that I have really come to like in men. A humble, sincere man that knows his place is truly a gift from God. I decided to give him a try.

Love, Kathy

A Note for Zoe xx

While!! Looking at the blog this morning there were so many good comments. Almost everyone of these gives me ideas for another posting. It is also nice to have a gentlemen defend me. Negative comments don't bother me. However, I love it when a man steps forward to be my knight in shining armour. Thank you Pet for defending me.



Although I have discussed family life in the past, it might be well to talk about it again. Zoo xx wonders how the dominant wife should tell her almost adult children about the special relationship their family has. Other couples also struggle with various aspects of dominance and submission in front of the family.





John and I started our 'fem/dom' marriage after our children were away from home. The kennel, used when John came home, lasted until our son came home from college for the first time. There was no way I wanted him to see it in our house. This was something I did not want to share with him or any other family member.

However, as a side note, for the short time we used the kennel, it definitely had an effect on the way John viewed many aspects of our relationship. The use of the kennel helped John to understand that what we were doing was much more than just a game. It also taught him that sleeping in the same bed as mistress was a privilege rather than a right. This is something that most submissive men need to learn at the 'get go' of the relationship.

The personal details of how a couple interact should be between the two of them. The use of the kennel, or spanking, etc should always be confidential. This is not something the rest of the family needs to know about.



Personally I don't see anything wrong with telling children that mommy is head of the family.
However, as I have posted in the past, they must also understand that the father occupies a position of respect. The mother may sit at the head of the table. However, the father sits at her right hand. He is her helpmate and usually the primary provider for the family. He is also invested with the authority of the mother when she is away from the home.



In the home the father's authority is derived from the mother. She is the one that gives him guidelines as to what he can approve. In Liz's family her husband is generally allowed to "ok' one of the children going to a friend's house, but an overnight stay requires permission of the mother. If Liz's husband is asked such a question when she is away, he simply tells the child that is something we need to talk with mommy about.

Over the past year I have become more open about publicly acknowledging the way John and I live. I don't think a 'fem/dom' marriage is anything to be embarrassed about for either the wife or her mate. As for Zoo's question, I believe the simple answer is just to say that mommy is the boss in the house. Love, Mistress Kathy

A Special Comment for Bryan

Well Bryan, a lot of what you are saying is true. You know it has been almost a year since my first posting, and sometimes it seams like I am starting to repeat my self.



The blog was started as a way to share information about the unique lifestyle that John and I have. While it is not for everyone, there are a lot of submissive men in the world. What I didn't count on was the number of men that got hooked on the blog. The blog became a tonic for their addiction to the world of dominant women.



I do believe that submissive men have a tendency to spend too much time on line. Just like I ignored you, I will sometimes do the same thing with John. Submissive men are always craving for attention from the women in their lives. The worst punishment for a submissive is simply to ignore him. That is not what I indented to do with you, but that is what happened.





Many submissive men need to push the boundaries of their lives. Buying the panties in the store may have been a humiliating experience, but I bet it was one of the few true submissive experiences you have had. It is an experience you will remember for the rest of your life. One of the comments I have heard from submissive men is that they feel so alive when they are with a dominant women.




In my opinion a submissive man can form a lasting, loving relationship with a women who is not dominant. However, he will always have that itch to kneel at a women's feet and become her slave. As a man gets older, I believe his need to submit becomes stronger.



What many of you don't under stand is the tremendous amount of strength is takes to live as a slave husband. Even with a strong man, like John, discipline and punishment are necessary.
This is what keeps a man on track. It is important for a submissive husband to understand that his wife is always watching him, that she is always in control, and that there is not much he can get away with.



Bryan, you may have been frustrated because I didn't acknowledge your efforts. As a dominant women, I say 'tough'. Men are in the world to serve me, not the other way around. Your job a as male is to 'wait on' and 'wait for'. It is not to stand on the street corner and complain about the way a women treats you.

Bryan, like a lot of men you are accustomed to 'things' being there for your benefit. In a 'fem/dom' marriage you are the 'thing' that is there for the benefit of the mistress. You sound like a very normal male. Like most normal males, it would do you good to be brought to heel by a real mistress wife.

This is just the Internet and I am not your mistress. However, if you were my submissive in real life you would be severely punished. It would not be anything fun like an over the knee spanking, or buying panties in a store. And, when your punishment was finished I would expect your to crawl to my feet and thank me. Love, Mistress Kathy

A Special Comment for Marina

Once again, thank all of you for reading the blog. A special thanks to all of you who contributed by making a comment.



The comment by Marina seamed to imply that John is not allowed to have a career. Quite to the contrary he is professional person, and loves what he does. You all need to know that when it comes to his career, I am very supportive.



For personal reasons I will not talk too much about what John does, but I would like to call your attention to previous post. My attitude toward a submissive man working was summed up in the Aug 3 posting titled the Care and Feeding of the man you own. Also, there was another post titled my little black dress. I think that posting was back in June.



Without repeating too much of what was in those post, I believe man need to work. They need to feel that they are supporting their families. I think it bothers men when their spouse makes more money then they do. I am pleased that John makes a very good living for us.



I am aware of women who do not allow their husbands to work outside of the home. However, this is very rare. I think most men are happier when they have a job to go to.



Of course, as head of house and John's mistress, it also pleases me when his pay check goes directly into my account. Yes, this is a control issue. It is a reminder for John that he belongs to me, and everything he earns belongs to me. His weekly allowance is a privilege.



Also, men tend to get into trouble when they have too much money. It is better when they have just enough to buy a lunch, but not enough to go out drinking. Some women think their guys are such angels. They say things like 'he wouldn't go to a strip club or a bar like that.' Trust me, if he has the money and the freedom, he will eventually find his way to those kind of places. It is better to have enough control over him where by he is not tempted to try.



Love, Mistress Kathy