Owning a Man

Thank all of you for the lovely comments. The comments do add to the blog, and give me a sense of what is important to people.



This morning I received an email from a lady. She criticised me for referring to my husband as a slave. Words do have power, and convey meaning. To her the term slavery had a barbaric meaning that has no place in a marriage.



It is true that traditional slavery is a barbaric custom that has no place in modern society in any way, shape, or form. In our relationship john gave him self, and his freedom to me as a gift of love. In that spirit I accepted John's gift with a promise to own him and treasure him for the rest of my life. Yes, the day he pledged him self to me, John became my slave.



Yes, in case you are wondering I sometimes call him 'slave'. Sometimes I call him 'slave' just to be cute. Other times I used the term to make sure he understands to do what I want him to do. He can tell the difference in my tone of voice.



People have asked how can you dominate a man twenty four hours a day. Anytime, day or night john understands that I am his boss lady. That doesn't mean I am bossing him around twenty four hours a day, or even two or three hours a day. John does look to me for guidance and leadership in his life. In a funny sought of a way I think most men depend on their wives for a certain degree of leadership. The need for female authority is very natural in most men.



A little while back I read an interesting book about relationships. One of the phrases in the book went something like the only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can control. The book, or maybe it was another book, went on to say that the problem with many modern men was that they were relinquishing the traditional male leadership role to the women in their lives. While I agree with that statement, I don't think it is a problem as much as it is a good thing.



While I did not agree with the book, it did give me cause to think about John and our marriage. On some level was I emasculating my husband by making him into something nature never intended. Then, I thought about my parents, and all the loving couples I know where the wife was either the defacto head of the relationship (yes dear marriage) or the acknowledged head of house. (yes mistress marriage)



From what I have observed most men are the happiest and most content when the wife is in charge. It is not about kink, it is not about sex. It is simply to be happy many men need a certain amount of female authority in their life. Just because you are the head of the house, it doesn't mean you cant laugh or cry with your man. It doesn't mean you can't cuddle up to him on a cold night. It just means that at the end of the day your word is law to him.

Men that are leashed and collared by women are the happiest. However, just because a man is leashed, it doesn't mean you must always pull the leash tight, or never give him the freedom to 'run'. Men need that. They need the company of other men. They need to do male things from time to time. That doesn't mean going out drinking, and getting drunk, or going to strip clubs.
It does mean social activities with other men that you, as mistress, approve of and give permission for.

On of the mistakes I made five years ago was keeping John on too tight of a leash. He was forbidden to play golf, fish, or go hunting. When he had nothing to look forward to on weekends, except cleaning house and work, he became depressed. It was my friend Liz who encouraged me to be more trusting of him. John still is not allowed out at night, but he does play golf, and he does go fishing.

A few of you who read this blog know that my daughter is getting married in October. One of the things I really like is the close bond between John and my future son-in-law. They play golf together, and attend games at the local college. Of course, John is not allowed to drink beer on either the golf course or at the games, and my future son-in-law has asked about this. So far John has simply told our future son-in-law that Kathy prefers that he doesn't drink when away from the house, and that he respects her wishes.

My daughter has always had a dominate personality. From high school on I could tell that she was the one that planed the dates and activities. This is usually the way it is with young people, the boys go along with what the girl's want. It is good practice for married life. What I want is for john to be a good, healthy, submissive male image for our son-in-law to emulate. There! That is the first time I actually came out and said that I hope my daughter is the head of house. With that thought it is time to go.

Love to all of you for reading, Kathy

Love, Mistress Kathy

Whatever she says

Earlier this week I had a chance to update my self on a few of the blogs written by the guys.

For me it is always fun to see what is on their mind, and how they react to different things.



One of my favorite blogs is 'whatever she says'. In the profile, the writer states that in his opinion most marriages are female led. I agree with this statement. He goes on to say, however, that the difference in his marriage, or a true WLM, is that the guy has acknowledged the wife's authority, and she has formally accepted her role as head of the house.



The statement got me to thinking about people we know, friends and relatives. There are two types of WLMs. First, there is the traditional kind, where the couple has developed a tradition of the wife being in charge, but no one ever talks about her authority. I call this a 'yes dear' marriage. This is the type of marriage my parents had, and it worked very well for them.



The relationship John and I have is more of a 'yes mistress' type marriage. John has offered himself to me as a slave husband, and I have agreed to take charge of him. He wears my collar as well as the ring I gave him.



Some people may consider the relationship John and I have as being on the 'kinky' side. However, in my opinion our 'yes mistress' relationship is just one step further along than a 'yes dear' type marriage.



In my opinion it is both normal and healthy for a man to pledge obedience to the women he loves. To me, a man is never so sweet and loving as when he is on his knees.



Love, Mistress Kathy







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Establishing Authoirty Reflections 3

Well, it is Friday afternoon, and I am finished with work for the week.

John should be home early this afternoon. His only job for today is to wash my car and put gas in it. One of the privileges of being a 'boss lady' is having a man to take care of those things.

The Saturday morning 'golf outing' made me wonder if we could truly have a 'fem/dom' marriage. John did come home that Saturday afternoon. My words to him were simple, we could end 'this thing' now or he would accept my punishment. Not accepting my punishment meant that he would be out of the house, again.

It was not a matter of being harsh with John, just firm. I was not in a mood for a general discussion of how he hurt me, or what was expected of him. Often, I believe women have too much of a tendency to want to discuss things with there guy. With a submissive man, it is often better to just tell him. What I have found is that just putting John is certain humiliating positions will make him more submissive, and more prone to obey.

In a firm tone I let John know that I was his mistress regardless of how he happened to feel at a particular moment of time. I told him that he was to treat me with the respect that a mistress deserves. If he could not treat me as his mistress, if he did not obey me, the marriage was over. He seamed a little surprised. Of course, at that time it had only been a few months since he was allowed back into the house, and the memories of being separated were fresh in his mind.

Without giving him time to think, I snapped my fingers. This was the command for him to drop to the ground with his forehead, elbows, and toes touching the floor. Since coming back home he had been well drilled in obeying this basic non verbal command. His reflexes took over, and he performed as trained. In that position, he is not allowed to speak, except to answer direct questions form mistress. In general, the only speaking he does in that position is a 'yes mistress'.

Again, I told John how upset I was with him. Unfortunately, we no longer had the kennel, or he would have slept in it for a week or so. He did, however, receive corner time. His golf membership was put on indefinite hold. Also, on that afternoon, John learned that he was to start wearing a locked collar anytime we were along in he house. It was a large thick dog collar that would be very obvious to anyone if he wore it out of the house. It was very simple to put a small pad lock on it.

On that Saturday afternoon, I learned one important thing about submissive men. The idea of pulling the leash tight in one thing, but first you need to have him collared. That afternoon John was properly collared for the first time. Love, Mistress Kathy

Establishing Authority Relections 2

This is an issue I have given a great deal of thought to, but frankly, don't have the answers.

Based on many of comments and emails, I have the feeling that there are a large number of couples that would like to have a true 'fem/dom' marriage. The problem is that the wife is never able to obtain true authority over her husband. The 'fem/dom' arrangement remains a game, an on and off thing depending on every ones mood of the day.

In a dominatrix studio establishing authority over a man is easy. The relationship is bought and paid for, and only last a few hours. In the military the generals and officers have very strict authority over everyone else. In the military there are established boundaries that separate the general from the private. In a marriage there are no boundaries separating a husband and wife. They sleep together, live together, laugh over the same funny movies, and cry together over the problems of life.

As we entered a 'fem/dom' marriage John gradually became more submissive. He enjoyed the role of servant to his wife; being put in a kennel gave him the rush many submissive men love. He learned to love the feeling of giving up responsibility for his personal life. As John was becoming more submissive in everyday life, I became to like the role of the dominant wife. It was not just the idea of having someone do the housework, it was the whole idea of being the person in charge. The feeling of respect that came with being the head of household was very satisfying to me. When John entered the room, he curtsied, and bowed his head in a very sweet, respectful way that told me I was his lady.



More than anything else I learned to appreciate the intimacy that went with the 'fem/dom' marriage experience. To a large extent our lives had grown apart. He focused on his job, and I focused on the children. We lived together in the same house, but in reality shared very little of each others lives. In the 'fem/dom' marriage there was a renewed sense of adventure.

There was a wholeness of about our relationship that had not been there in a long time. Every evening, when he finished the dishes, John would kneel at my feet. We would talk. He would put his head on my lap, and tell me everything he was thinking. He became very dependent on me for guidance in every part of his life. I came to love John with a renewed intensity. I also felt guilty for not recognizing his need for female authority early in our marriage.



The problem with our relationship was that it was not consistent. Although John loved the role of the submissive spouse, there were times where he thought he was king of the hill. For some reason his male ego would act up, and he wanted to be 'the man'. The problem was that these moods would come up out of no where. The New York trip was an example, but there were many other instances. The first one occurred about three or four months after I let John come back home. By then Saturday was established as his cleaning day. On that Saturday morning he announced that he was going to play golf. He didn't ask permission, he just told me. He also told me that he was not in a submissive mood, and he didn't feel like cleaning house. We had an heated argument.



If John had asked permission to play gold that Saturday morning, it would have probably been given. My problem was that I had been working hard to become John's mistress, and he had the nerve to talk to me that way. He also had the nerve to play gold against my orders. In fact, on that Saturday morning, I had no authority over him at all. On some level I was ready to end the 'fem/dom' experience, but I had learned to like being the mistress, wife. Also, in spite of the mood of the day, I knew John needed a strong female authority figure in his life to be happy.

The problem was to learn to deal with these emotional issue when he was not in a submissive mood, when he wanted to jump the fence and run the neighborhood.



There was no easy solution to the problem. I knew that I had to pull his leash tighter, and hold it that way. However, before I could even clip his leash back on, I had to wait for him to finish roaming. Love, Mistress Kathy

Reflections - Establishing Authoirty

The recent post about the visit to New York brought back old memories.



The first year of our 'fem/dom' marriage was by far the most difficult. On some level John wanted to submit, he wanted me to be in charge, but it was a roller coaster of emotions.



The situation in the little drug store was typical of incidences that occurred in the first year.
When john told me I was taking too long to make a decision, it was like he was the master talking to a submissive wife. All that year I had been struggling to establish my authority over him , and he had the nerve to speak to me that way.



One of the comments asked if I was embarrassed to be with a man with a ribbon in his hair. At the moment John spoke back to me I was so angry there was no room for embarrassment of any kind.

As we walked along the streets, and took a taxi cab, I held my breath a couple of times and told my self that he was the one with the ribbon in the hair, there was no reason for me to be embarrassed. This worked until we got to the restaurant. Yes, I was embarrassed to a degree. However, I had already told John that he was to wear the ribbon for the rest of the day. I didn't want to go back on what I had already told him.



In New York, in the restaurant that day John needed to understand that my word, my authority was law to him. If I had thought about the mutual consequence of being with a man with a ribbon in his hair, I might not have given him the punishment. However, it was done, it was done in anger, but it was done. It was important for the future of our marriage that John accept my authority to punish him any time, any place.



Although I kept the ribbon in my purse for several months after this incident, I have never used this punishment technique again. At the end of the day, in the hotel I told john how angry I had been with him, but also how pleased I was that he accepted my punishment. He simply said 'thank you mistress for punishing me".



Once John understood that I was in control, the rest of the trip was wonderful. Macho guys can be fun when you are young. However, the simple joy of being with a submissive husband that is there for your pleasure and service is hard to beat. The problem is to keep the ego in check. To do that you need to pull the leash tight every so often. Love, Mistress Kathy

Humiliation and the Male ego

Thank all of you for posting. This is what makes the blog fun for me.





I learned early on that humiliation can be an effective way to keep the male ego under control. It is amazing the power that simple things, like women's underwear has on a man. It is both the act of buying the underwear, and wearing it. I remember the first time I took John to a plus size store, and asked the sales person for help in selecting panties for him. Then, there is always the casual threat of telling your man that if he is not a good boy, you will tell his friends that he wears panties. Just the idea of his friends knowing he wears panties can throw any red blooded male into an immediate panic.



About four years ago, when John and I were into our new marriage arrangement for about a year, we went on vacation to New York. We were having a good time visiting and rushing from one tourist attraction to another. In the middle of all this, I remembered that I forgot to pack something that I needed. We had to find a drug store. It was not a big deal, but it did interrupt our fun for a little while.



After searching for thirty minutes or so we finally found a drug store. John was annoyed by the experience. When entering the store he said something like you should have remembered to pack the 'dam thing'. While I was annoyed with his comment, I let it go. That was a mistake. Since I was not familiar with the store it took me a while to find what I looking for, and the store didn't have the brand that I usually purchased. While I was talking to a sales clerk, John got 'huffy'.



To my surprise John actually came out and told me to hurry up, it was taking too long. Not only did he embarrass me in front of the sales clerk, but it was no way for a submissive husband to speak to his mistress. The moment he said those words he could see my face turning red. We happened to be next to a display of hair ribbons. The type that little girls wear. I spotted a big yellow ribbon, picked it up, and told him to put it in his hair. I did this with the sales clerk looking, and now giggling at his situation. At first he thought I was joking, until he understood that I was very angry. He immediately apologised. I could see the look of panic in his face.





Without flinching, I gave John the look that let him know I was serous. I again told him to put it on, Now! He did as told as he always does.



It was afternoon when we were in the store. I made John wear the ribbon for the rest of the day, including dinner. Since we were in NY, I felt comfortable that no one we knew would see us.
On some level I was almost embarrassed as he was, but there was no way I could let this behavior go.



As we walked by women on the street, they would sometimes turn their heads and giggle. The guys tended to ignore him, but a couple of them made comments like isn't he cute.



For me the most interesting part of the punishment came when we went to the restaurant. It was crowded, we had to wait in the the foyer for several minutes with other tourist.

All the while John could see people peeking at him and making little comments to their spouses.

Then we had a cute little hostess take us to the table. She looked, smiled, but did not say anything about the ribbon in John's hair.



As we sat down at the table, John asked if he might be able to take the ribbon off. I told him, No!, not until we are back at the hotel. For me it was a test of his obedience, as well as a punishment for talking back in the way he did. It was still early in our 'fem/dom' experiment, and I needed to know that John would obey me in difficult situations. No one, even Tara, had ever put him through this type of public humiliation . It was not planned, it just happened because of the circumstances, as to where we were and his behavior in that store.



After a few minutes the waiter came to our table. He couldn't help but look at the ribbon. I explained to the waiter that this was my slave husband, and he is wearing the ribbon as punishment for his unacceptable behavior during the day. John just sat there in absolute humiliation. It was hard for him to accept that this other man knew he was a slave, and that his wife was punishing him in this fashion. It we had a female waitress, it probably would have given him a submissive rush.






As far as the punishment went, it worked. John was a good, obedient boy for the rest of the trip. His ego was in check. For me, the important thing was that John would accept the punishment that I gave to him. He understood that accepting my authority, my punishments, any time any place was a condition of continuing our 'fem/dom' marriage. The experience gave me confidence in my ability to truly be a mistress to my husband. John later confessed that the experience was a turning point for him. He absolutely didn't want to wear the ribbon in public. He did it because he was told to do it, and knew that he needed to obey me. It was perhaps the first time in our 'fem/dom' relationship that he truly felt he had no control in a situation.




For the women who read this blog I am curious what you think of this punishment. Do you think it was cruel or excessive? In the circumstance would you do something similar?



Love, Kathy

Words from John

Thank all of you who helped make a tribute to Mistress Michelle. She was an inspiration for starting this blog. She is professional women who owns a very loving, sweet slave husband with a personalty much like my John. Men like this are to be appreciated. They are to be loved and treasured. It takes a great deal of strength to defy the norms of society, and be willing to live as a slave husband. The women who owns such a man is truly fortunate.


John does not spend a great amount of time on the computer, but he does read my blog. After reading my last post he said that he felt truly sorry for the man who has never knelt before a woman, who has never addressed a lady as mistress, or felt the pleasure of simple service to a lady. When I heard those words from John, I gave him a smile and kiss, and then told him to go back to his ironing.

As sweet and submissive as John has become, there are still issues with his ego. In it a very difficult area of the male brain to understand. Sometimes humiliation is a punishment, sometimes it can be used as a reward. Sometimes a simple little statement can give John a submissive rush. At other times, in other circumstances, it can almost throw him into a panic.

The next post will deal with humiliation as a way to control the ego, and as such, how to better control the man. It is an area where I would love to have a great deal of input from both women and men.

A little later in the week I will be asking for a volunteer, who is willing to do something special, and then post about the experience. Love, Mistress Kathy

Random Thoughts on the 4th of July

I love holidays. Each of them is special in their own way. For John and I the 4th is about friends, less about family than Christmas or Easter.



Christmas is about religion. The 4th is about freedom. Although the 4th is really about the political freedom of our country, it makes me think about the individual freedom we, as women, have. In so many parts of the world women are treated as chattel, as the property of their husbands. They are ruled by their family. They are not free to come and go. They are not free to earn a living. They marry whom they are told.



In doing this blog I have opened up my personal life to whom ever wants to read about it.

Most of the criticism has come from other women. Regardless of what he has done, they ask, how can you treat your husband as a slave. If you really loved him, the argument goes, you would allow him more freedom, you would allow him the basic rights of any human being.

They don't understand that like many men, John needs to live in a condition of servitude to be happy. Yes, John is my slave. He was not bought or purchased by me. He, in an act of love, gave his freedom, his whole being to me as the most precious gift a man can give to a women. In an act of love, I accepted his gift. In accepting that gift I promised to love and keep him as my precious slave for the rest of my life. The wholeness of our relationship is more complete than it is with most other couples. The intimacy we share between husband and wife makes us more one in spirit than two people united by a ring.



When I let John come home, and established the conditions for his new life, I thought it might last six months or a year, and them our relationship with slowly move toward that of a normal couple. It didn't. John became more submissive. As John became more submissive, I slowly became more dominant. Coming out of my experience with Tara, I felt somewhat comfortable with the role of mistress. Over time, living with an obedient, submissive man, I came to embrace the role of dominant as a natural part of our lifestyle.



Thank all of you for posting on the elephant in the room. The post is what makes the blog interesting and fun for me. As always, a special thanks to Michelle for posting. In some ways she is actually responsible for me starting this blog. Like me, Michelle has a sweet, submissive husband that gives her the near total obedience that she requires. From time to time she has given her man the opportunity to write about their relationship. More than anything else it was her willingness to allow her husband to share their lifestyle that encouraged me to start blogging.



Since Michelle was my inspiration for this blog, I have a special assignment for you boys that like to read it. It would please me if each of you boys, who reads this blog, would leave a comment addressed to Mistress Michelle thanking her for being my inspiration. Since Michelle is a mistress, the comment should be addressed to 'Mistress Michelle', not simply Michelle. In the comment I would like you to thank her in your own words. I would like to see how many of you will do this little favor for me. Love, Mistress Kathy