While!! Looking at the blog this morning there were so many good comments. Almost everyone of these gives me ideas for another posting. It is also nice to have a gentlemen defend me. Negative comments don't bother me. However, I love it when a man steps forward to be my knight in shining armour. Thank you Pet for defending me.
Although I have discussed family life in the past, it might be well to talk about it again. Zoo xx wonders how the dominant wife should tell her almost adult children about the special relationship their family has. Other couples also struggle with various aspects of dominance and submission in front of the family.
John and I started our 'fem/dom' marriage after our children were away from home. The kennel, used when John came home, lasted until our son came home from college for the first time. There was no way I wanted him to see it in our house. This was something I did not want to share with him or any other family member.
However, as a side note, for the short time we used the kennel, it definitely had an effect on the way John viewed many aspects of our relationship. The use of the kennel helped John to understand that what we were doing was much more than just a game. It also taught him that sleeping in the same bed as mistress was a privilege rather than a right. This is something that most submissive men need to learn at the 'get go' of the relationship.
The personal details of how a couple interact should be between the two of them. The use of the kennel, or spanking, etc should always be confidential. This is not something the rest of the family needs to know about.
Personally I don't see anything wrong with telling children that mommy is head of the family.
However, as I have posted in the past, they must also understand that the father occupies a position of respect. The mother may sit at the head of the table. However, the father sits at her right hand. He is her helpmate and usually the primary provider for the family. He is also invested with the authority of the mother when she is away from the home.
In the home the father's authority is derived from the mother. She is the one that gives him guidelines as to what he can approve. In Liz's family her husband is generally allowed to "ok' one of the children going to a friend's house, but an overnight stay requires permission of the mother. If Liz's husband is asked such a question when she is away, he simply tells the child that is something we need to talk with mommy about.
Over the past year I have become more open about publicly acknowledging the way John and I live. I don't think a 'fem/dom' marriage is anything to be embarrassed about for either the wife or her mate. As for Zoo's question, I believe the simple answer is just to say that mommy is the boss in the house. Love, Mistress Kathy
Saturday, December 13, 2008
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11 comments:
Most relationships don't last, as evidenced by the increasing rate of divorce. Then there are the couples who don't even bother to marry.
The remaining relationships not only endure, but evolve. One or both parties provide a cybernetic input over the long run: goal oriented, aiming for perfcection. None of us were borne with all the tools to make this work. Most of us had to just do it and perfect the method.
Mistress Kathy, I see that your relationship evolved the same way. I am sure that some of your views and convictions have changed somewhat over the years. What may have been strange and novel at first, is now expected as normal.
Speaking from my own experience, there still are ideas that we have tried and not given up, just pushed into the background. Then there are some that we have wanted to try, but were not mature enough. I hope that we have a long enough life to try many more of these ideas while keeping and relying on those that support us through daily life. Evolution is a way of life.
My wife and I do not demonstrate our relationship out in the open. But I'm sure our children know who is the head of household just by how we act naturally. I hope we set a positive example for them to follow when they grow up.
Testing
This is my first blog ever. So be easy on me, you could say I'm losing my blog virginity.
Anyhow, at my house the kids (two boys 9 and 11) know to ask my wife for permission to do anything outside the house, treats, media time, etc. If they do ask me, I defer to her. I am too easy going, and she is strict but more than fair. She uses a finger snap when I am to obey her immediately and I sometimes say "yes ma'am" to her instructions in front of them.
It is obvious who the Alpha in our house is, but sometimes I do trump her in front of them if it is clear she missed something. It is important for my boys to see that I do have some power in our relationship (if she allows it!)and that I do have balls to stand up if I disagree with her on something. But there is no debate when she assigns tasks or snaps her fingers (she always has final word if she wants it).
Personally, I would not reccomend telling the kids directly. They figure it out for themselves (like Zoe xx did) and that would seem a little strange to me. I would also recommend husbands not always be submissive to their wives in front of them. I actually asked my wife to yield to me (don't always trump me) in front of them sometimes, as I think they need to see a strong male role model so they don't get abused by girls later!
In essence between me and my wife she always has the final word, between the kids and us they know Mom is alpha, but Dad is strong outside the home and will stand up to Mom at times.
To Zoe xx: I would love to hear some of the stories you offered to tell.
To: Ms. Kathy: Thanks for your efforts on this blog. Holy cow you are quite a woman.
Curt
P.S. That was my "testing" email to see if I had it right!
Curt,
You did well, better than any of my posts.
Your household sounds like mine. My boys know to ask Ms L for her permission and/or money. They know that I don't make the rules around here and she controls all of the money. She has grown totally comfortable with this and even points out other couples that seem to work in the same way. My boys know that I am very successful and very capable. They also know Ms L runs the show around her and that I always follow her lead.
I agree with you, there is no need to explain your relationship to them, they adapt to your lifestyle. When they are older they will find their own way in their life just as we have.
Curt, thanks for posting, I don't feel like such a newbie now.
Ms L's Subbie
Curt is right. Children are smart and figure it out themselves - who's the boss of the house and who they will have to ask for permission on certain things.
However, I don't see anything wrong in husbands showing their submissiveness in front of their children. As long as a conversation or action shows love and respect towards his dominant wife in front of the kids, they will also grow up to have those feelings ingrained. Boys will grow up to also be respectful towards women and girls will learn to be dominant and loving towards their husbands like thier moms..
In the end it's all about how you portray yourselves towards them..
Curt do provide a link to your blog, would love to read it.:)
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First off, to John Davis who left a post regarding viagra. Try sex without orgasm (yours not hers), and orgasm management (my wife calls it penile denial) by your wife. No drugs necessary - very effective!
To Indian Female Supremacy: I have no blog of my own. Perhaps someone can help me out here. If you post a comment to someones blog is that not blogging, or did I imply I had my own blog?
However, even as I write this I feel like I may have crossed some line. Can you over-post to someones blog? Ms. Kathy if you are so inclined to comment on that it would be appreciated (it would be important tome to be respectful).
To Zoe xx: Interesting stories thanks for posting. When I imagine myself in your Dad's or Kathy's husband John's position I think no way for me. However, if my wife were determined and strategic in her approach. I would have a hard time resisting whatever she had in mind. So far she has not researched fem/dom so I don't think she has any idea of the possibilities.
Curt
I have to comment. I have my own collared submissive and I have a dominant husband (though we do not have what I would call a D/s relationship, we have a marriage). I am the happiest of women in that I am switch. I feel so strongly about children NOT being involved in any way with a parental relationship. They do not ever need to know a thing you do. I do not believe it is healthy for them to be telling their father what to do, sorry. I am speaking as both a healthcare professional and a kink enthusiast. I would have to say that the situation described by Zoe frankly makes me feel ill. Neither parent should be the "boss" and certainly no child should be either. Parenting is a joint relationship. When done well a child will learn to respect women. That has nothing to do with whether or not the parents have an FLM. Sorry I felt the need to comment. Kathy I enjoy reading your posts but I should learn to stay out of the comments. . .
MC
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